


Perpetual Change

by silversilky



Category: BanG Dream! (Anime), BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: Coming Out, Friendship, Gen, Trans Female Character, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-06
Updated: 2019-10-06
Packaged: 2020-11-26 03:07:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20923160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silversilky/pseuds/silversilky
Summary: "Hey, Hagumi," Misaki started, feeling as though she were hearing herself talk from another room but pressing on regardless. "Have you ever heard the word 'transgender' before?"





	Perpetual Change

Misaki took a cautious look around herself, breathing a long sigh of relief before popping the small off-white pill into her mouth and washing it down with a long gulp from her thermos. She winced at the tang of it- who had decided trans girls liked eating grass?

She looked into the cup and swirled the water around, thinking on things.

In theory, there should be no problem doing this around the band. Kanon knew about her already and was enthusiastically supportive, and the three idiots... wouldn't figure it out unless she dyed Michelle pink, white, and blue. Maybe not even then, actually. Misaki couldn't hold in a snort as she imagined Michelle (Trans Pride Edition) remixing some Against Me and Left At London during a Hello Happy live without anyone putting two and two together.

And they'd be fine even if they did find out, right? She tried to picture Kokoro, Hagumi, or Kaoru saying any of the hurtful things she'd been told by others, and just couldn't do it. They were too sweet, too supportive of Misaki in every other way to care about that detail.

She held up the second pill, a little blue oval, and paused before she could put it under her tongue. Staring at it, she smiled wryly and closed her eyes, projecting her thanks to it. Oh mighty Estradiol, may we continue to work together long into the future.

"Hey, yo! Mii-kun! What kind of candy is that?"

Misaki's eyes flew wide open to come face to face with Hagumi, who was intently gazing at the pill. Her head quirked to the side and orange hair flopped with it. "Hagumi feels like she's seen it before... What candy shop did you get it from? Hagumi thought she knew all of them!"

Fuck. Fuck, fuck, what to say. Should Misaki say it's not candy-? But that just leads to the next question of _what is it then?_ Should she-- hey, how did Hagumi even sneak up on her like that?? Was she that absorbed in her stupid little ritual? Misaki felt her brow furrowing. Damn it--

"Mii-kun?" Hagumi backed off, a worried expression crossing her face. "Did Hagumi say something wrong...?"

"No!" Misaki said immediately, willing her face to stop doing that thing it was doing. "No, no. You're good, Hagumi, it's just..."

"Just?" Hagumi calmed down, looking Misaki in the eyes with a harmless, curious expression. Misaki felt her swirling thoughts calm down as well. Hagumi would clearly accept any answer Misaki gave her, so...

Hey. You know what?

Why not treat this as a sort of... coming out test run?

"Hey, Hagumi," Misaki started, feeling as though she were hearing herself talk from another room but pressing on regardless. "Have you ever heard the word 'transgender' before?"

Hagumi shook her head. "What's that?"

Whoof. Okay. Not surprising. "Well, it means... you know. I actually... wasn't always a girl?" Misaki looked away, her cheeks heating up from some mix of shame and excitement at getting to talk about it out loud for once. "And when I was young, everybody thought that I was a boy."

She looked back, expecting to see Hagumi with a confused expression, but instead she was greeted by something very different.

Hagumi was staring straight at her with saucer-sized eyes, laser focused like a cat watching a bird's small movements as if Misaki would up and fly away any moment. "You can do that?" Hagumi whispered.

Ohhhhhh.

Oh, Misaki had ambled her way right into a minefield.

"Yeah," Misaki said carefully. "I realized I was a girl pretty young, so first I just started wearing skirts and stuff to try it out. Then when I was older I got my parents to talk to a doctor about puberty blockers so I'd have more time to make sure, and eventually I ended up taking these--" She held up the blue pill, nearly forgotten about-- "to, er, change my body in some ways."

"Can you--" Hagumi started but cut herself off, breaking off her deathgrip gaze to stare at something Misaki couldn't see as she curled inwards.

Misaki tentatively reached out a hand and rubbed Hagumi's head, right where she knew it would have the strongest calming effect. She felt Hagumi relax under her. "Can you what, Hagumi?" she said quietly.

Hagumi took a deep breath, and met Misaki's gaze every bit as intensely as before. She nearly shouted her next question. "Mii-kun! Can you-- do it the other way, too!?"

Ohhh, Hagumi... Misaki reached out and rubbed her head again, carefully. "Yeah. You can. I know a few guys who are trans, actually. They're nice."

Hagumi didn't reply, but Misaki could practically feel the words bubbling under the surface, crashing against a ceiling of ice before they could escape into the air.

This would be the riskiest thing yet, but Misaki could tell she needed to say it for her friend's sake. She balled up all her courage in her chest and pushed it out. "Hagumi... do you want to be a boy?"

"...Hagumi doesn't know..."

Misaki could hear Hagumi's voice quiver and nearly break as they said it, and she felt her heart sink down to her stomach in sympathy. She knew what this felt like, how impossible the concept would seem right now. But what could she do to help comfort Hagumi? As she searched for a way, she realized she knew someone who was the best there was at comforting her friends.

Channel Michelle. Channel Michelle. You are Michelle, say what Michelle would say-- "Hey, Hagumi?"

Her friend sniffled. "Yeah?"

"Come give me a beary big hug!" TOO MUCH, TOO MUCH, YOU FUCKED IT UP.

But if Hagumi noticed, they didn't remark on it, they were too busy launching into Misaki's waiting arms and latching onto her tightly to say anything. Misaki nearly fell over on impact, but caught herself and returned Hagumi's embrace, rubbing their back gently.

"Hagumi dreams about being a boy, sometimes..." Hagumi breathed, as if the words were fighting hard to escape. "It's not like Hagumi hates being a girl, though, girls are great and Hagumi does like dressing up and putting on makeup and stuff sometimes, but... it's not..."

"It's not quite right for you?" Misaki replied, understanding how Hagumi was struggling to vocalize the feeling.

"...Yeah. Yeah..." Hagumi tensed. "Is Hagumi...weird...?"

Misaki opened her mouth to answer, but before she could, Hagumi pushed back and looked her in the eye with some sort of fire flickering in their eyes. "No! That'd mean Mii-kun is weird for being a girl. Mii-kun isn't weird! She's really nice and cool!"

Misaki felt a smile start to push itself through, even as her cheeks burned from the compliments. "You know, Hagumi, I think you're pretty cool too."

Hagumi grinned widely, and Misaki almost felt like squinting from the sheer energy of it. Then she felt Hagumi grab her hands tightly. "Mii-kun!" he said excitedly, "Teach me how to transform!"

"Tr-- Transform!?"

"Yeah! Hagumi wants to transform into a boy right now! Like-- like Chat Noir! Or Kamen Rider!" Hagumi was bouncing at this point, looking at Misaki expectantly. "Show Hagumi what kind of pose to do for it!"

Misaki let out a long breath, but a tired smile still found itself on her face as she finally popped the Estradiol in her mouth. She'd need to help Hagumi a lot from here on, she could tell, but somehow that didn't feel like a problem.

Hagumi's expression changed to a more questioning one. "...Mii-kun?"

"What's up, Hagumi?" Misaki took a long swig from her cup as the pill finished dissolving. "Any more questions I can answer for you? You can ask me anything."

"Why'd you sound so much like Michelle before?"

Misaki spat out her mouthful of water.

**Author's Note:**

> wow it's been a hot minute since i posted a finished project on here. hope you all enjoyed it! this is partially a late birthday gift for my bf, who is Hagumi Incarnate. title is from the Yes song of the same name.


End file.
